Luv_

To Be Alone

2009-05-03T21:40:00.006+02:00

Whether we'd like to admit it or not, we are all alone in this world. We may love many people, be in love with others, and even be surrounded by people constantly, but there will always be moments, waves of realisation, that the only person that exists in this reality, is you.

We live in a society that frowns upon being alone. They often imply that being alone means you're lonely, means you lack something or rather, you are incomplete by yourself. Our society does not teach us that being alone is not something we can change, it is not the problem, but rather they should encourage us to embrace it and help us focus on being comfortable and happy enough to be alone.

Futhermore, a lover should not complete you, but rather compliment you. It should be more along the lines of - 'Beside you, I stand alone' or as Khalil Gibran says- "Fill each other's cup but drink not from the same cup." Each person should maintain their individuality and strengthen one another, rather then being completely dependent their partner to be happy.

I must admit, there are times in life that being alone is a terrifying, harsh feeling, and the fear of living in that way takes full advantage of us. I think we all go through it at some point in our lives, and once you realise it's a frame of mind that you've created, possibly because you're scared, uncertain or worried, it just seems easier to deal with.

It's simple things that can fix it, like taking a walk, looking at art, reading, writing, spending time with friends or family or even just sleeping it out. In fact it can just happen in a single moment with someone or alone, that you just feel soothed being you again. For me, it's often when I do something I love, I smile and laugh, or just get my mind off it. And strangely as it came, it leaves.

It's ironic that we all are alone in our own worlds, yet we all live together in this one.
We humans are odd individuals; we search for completeness everywhere around us, instead of starting to look inside first.

Yajna Ramdass
April 2009

Uplifting..

2009-04-21T01:12:00.001+02:00

There are people in my life that make me want to live. They save me from myself and the tortures I have to face on a daily basis. There were so many times when I've doubted everything, times when I questioned everything, and times where I didn't even have the energy to move, to think, to feel. And everytime, I am blessed to say, someone has picked me up. My friends, my family, someone, anyone, would walk in and help me to notice them and their beliefs. As they do so, as they show me themselves and how they love me, I see beauty, I see deep love and affection, and I see a reason to start smiling.

But as much as one can stand by you and advise you about the situation you're in, I know that the only person that heals you, that saves you, is you. For only you have the power to do so. No one is a victim of circumstance unless they allow themselves to be.

Do not misunderstand me, and think you don't need these people- as much you can uplift yourself alone, you often need someone to clear the fog in your mind and give you start. A boost. A reason.

For me that reason is love. Love and astonishing beauty. The kind that exists beyond bodies of earth. The type that you can only observe deep within an incredibly good soul. And once I recognise its existance inside my friend or family, this material, corrupt, cruel society seems minute to the board spectrum of love that I could contain.

Once I start feeling again, that ray of sunlight softly encourages me to love, love, and love some more, and soon I begin to remember who I am, and just how much I love to love.

Hating and blaming, in this life, brings nothing but even more pain and emptiness. One can get so engrossed in the cause of a loss, that it completely prevents you from living, loving and embracing your true self. I've come to realise that even though it's difficult at times, forgiving someone is often the best cure for you.

Yajna Ramdass
20/04/09

Imperfect Divine

2009-04-17T14:39:00.001+02:00

I want to know you..
I want to know your eyes when they first open, as they explore mine at the start of a new day.
I want to know your first smile in the morning.. And the last before bed.
I want to know what makes your heart sing and your mind dance.
I want to know what uplifts you beyond the clouds and what holds you tightly to the earth.
I want to know what your favourite colour is and what music speaks to your soul.
I want to know what type of jokes makes you laugh and what type of movies you'd spend days watching.
I want to know if you love to read and which stories will never leave you.
I want to know how you express yourself, do you find words, shapes or colours to fill your emotions?
I want to know your moments of love and it's astounding ecstacy.
I want to know how you love and who.
But more importantly that than happiness, i want to know your darkness.
I want to know the sadness that droops your eyelids and leaves that distant longing in your eyes.
I want to know your coldest thought and your most terrifying dreams.
I want to know your weaknesses and how you found your strength.
I want to know why your so afraid and why you hold so many defenses.
I want to know what makes you tear and what makes you thankful.
I want to know what makes you doubt, what makes you ache, what makes you cry.
I want to know how you think and what you believe to be true.
I want to know you, not just your body and your likes and dislikes, but you.
I want to know how the universe you've created, surrounds you, and i want to know at the end of it all, what makes your heart beat a little softer or a little harder..
I want to know you.
Just you.
Imperfect divine.
So don't you see?
It was never a question of dating, it was never a question of where we'll end up, but it was always an opportunity to share yourself, and for once, for me to really know you as you learn of me.

Yajna Ramdass
17/04/09

Sounds of Silence

2008-03-17T14:48:00.002+02:00

My body vibrated with the bass of the music. Swarms of people invaded every breathing space, and contributed mostly to the claustrophobic environment that surrounded me. Like every club, pulsating music thumped my ears, forged smoke created a murky atmosphere, and the scent of intoxication filled the air. Centering the club, ironically in an outsized circle, natives blended with the rhythm of the melody, as though it were an ancient ritual. They all seemed to participate, once particular harmonious sounds, rung in their ears. I stood alone, and observed in a minute corner I managed to squeeze myself in. I watched, not feeling remotely apart of their extravagant way of embracing life. My mind was in turmoil as the music began, to push my eardrums further and further, towards the edge. Then, I heard nothing.

He looked incredibly gorgeous tonight. High above the ground, his mop of charcoal black hair had been brushed back naturally; with the exception of a single strand, that seemed to find it rather comfortable, to rest on his forehead. Although he was well tanned, he still seemed to have this glowing, reddish-orange, complexion, and these slightly chubby, rosy pink lips. His razor-sharp nose, high cheekbones and sturdy jaw, were chiseled to produce a face of perfection.

Like a member of the round table, he possessed an aura of confidence, strength and courage. As though time lapsed, I suddenly found myself in front of him. The instant our eyes met, through all the ciaos, I fell. Like a skydiver who had just jumped, with arms wide open, I was free falling, at a rapid speed, in this moment of silence. This spilt second was infinite, for we both acknowledged, what we felt inside.

My mind was now in a state of oblivion. Like thick fog on a winter’s night, people encircled him. Each one walked up to him, as though they all were burdened with arthritic knees. Their flush cheeks, moistened with fresh tears. Their eyes, so weary from leaking continuously, had now possessed enough baggage to deceive you of their age. Tissue burns stung their soft skin, and created the impression that their faces obtained more colour than red roses. All I heard was sniffing, and soft whispers of courage. They all came to see him, in his silence. They all came to pay their last respects. So did I.

I sat there as still as him. This bland environment, of just chairs and a box, created so much sorrow. I could see it, in everyone’s weeping eyes. But me, I never cried. I never felt an inch of sorrow. I was completely numb, except, I felt this tiny piece of glass, flowing in my blood stream, secretly tearing me apart as it travels, bit by bit, it ripped at me, making paper-like-cuts in my veins. This intense pain, tore into me, slowly, subtly, all, from deep inside. Soon, my hands shook violently, my stomach churned, and my legs developed the stability of water. This was all caused by a minute chip of glass, that penetrated me, with every heartbeat.

I was calm. I was still. I was home, in my room, my petite place of serenity. I sat on my comfortable bed, and looked at my neatly kept room. Every item in place, books tidily arrange on its shelf, cupboards closed and clean, and my desk and dressing table had been set to precision. This all felt irrelevant to me. I wanted to tear it apart, make it a mess and make it horrible. I needed it to be imperfect. My deafening screams overpowered the silence, until I had no breath in my lungs. No oxygen. He was my oxygen. I hugged my pillow as if it was he, and I cried until my pillow, and I were drenched with my salted water.

I was calm again. Only this time, I felt, like an Easter egg… hollow. No depth, no filling, just empty space. I was so incomplete, like a half-pieced puzzled. Like half of me is vanished into thin air, and I wanted to me again. So bad, it hurt me physically. This soul-draining longing and constant ache inside would be with me forever. I then continued to surprise myself, as even more tears poured, like my shower, out of me. I felt all my energy, all my life, my body and soul, poured out onto my soaked pillow. My pillow, like a true friend, silently absorbed my sorrow, and comforted me as I drifted into a somewhat blissful sleep.

The scenery was magnificent. Pure white snow, capped the endless mountains in the blended, purplish-blue, horizon. I stepped into my new accommodation for the next few months. It was warm inside, and I felt somewhat uplifted as I entered. I watched how all these people, different ones, blacks, whites, but dominantly Chinese, all wore the same clothes. Burned orange, loosely tied around them. All were sitting cross-legged on the floor, with their hands together, and their eyes closed. It’s amazing how comfortable they seemed, all wearing the same cloth, sitting in the same position.

I was greeted by a wide smile, and a humble voice, who directed me to my room, which turned out to be nothing out of this world. It was tiny, and had no basic everyday material, like a dressing table or a big bookshelf or anything I owned before. All that was mine here was a single bed that squeaked, a window with plain, drab, curtains, and a pair of bedside drawers. In fact, the more I observed the more I saw the simplicity in it, but that’s what made it beautiful. Everything here possessed stillness, a silence that’s fore filling. A silence of God, and not a luxury in the world, can buy that.

Its time i spoke of love..

2008-01-08T01:48:00.000+02:00

Hmmm.. I find myself awake.. Slightly restless but in a mood to talk about love. What is love? The path to truth? God? Isn't it one and the same thing?

Hmmm.. Well..if it is our task is to love completely, than we will find ourselves on the path to truth- the ultimate truth some may call it, for it is about you, me, the entire universe and the core reason for our existance.

Hmmm.. So now that i've determined i should love, how do i love? What does it mean to love? The truth is, I don't really know yet. I just love. I don't know how i do it. I just do. Love is everything. My thoughts, my actions, in everything that i am.

Hmmm.. So Who am i then? I can only speak for myself, when i ask this question- for within each person resides their own answer. Well, personally, i don't seem to know completely who i am yet, but fear not, for each day i learn more. I have set myself up for a journey of discovery while reaching for my dreams.

Each step that i take, towards something that i ultimately love and see myself being, i will learn to love around me. I will love all that i can in each step, i will love my family, my friends, moments, butterflies, everything... but most of all myself. I will start to love myself again, and who i am, and who i am becoming. I will do this, so that along my path of discovery, i will be able to define what love means to me, and as i find myself, i will love more and more, getting closer and closer to the truth.. Whatever it may be.

I have a funny feeling that at the end of it all, i smile at the truth and see that the truth itself, is me. Who i have become, how i love, and how i learned to love everything and nothing equally.

Yajna Ramdass
8 Jan 2008

The Language of the Universe

2007-11-30T06:27:00.000+02:00

“Without exception, every human being has the ability to transform any weakness or suffering into strength, power, perfect peace, health, and abundance.” – The Secret

I just watched one the most brilliant movies of our time. It’s entitled “The Secret.” (It has also been released as a book and audio tapes.) It expresses the discussions of philosophers such as Bob Proctor, John F. DeMartini, authors such as Neal Donald Walsh (Conversations with God) and Jack Canfield (Chicken Soup), and many others that are visionaries, teachers and doctors. This movie focuses primarily on how thoughts manifest into our reality. Remarkably put, it teaches us exactly how we should think of what we want such that the “Entire universe conspires to get us what we want.”- Paulo Coelho.

Paulo Coelho always speaks of the ‘language of the universe’ (it plays a major part in Santiago’s quest to fulfill his dream in the ‘The Alchemist’.) Simply said, this movie demonstrates how to get in tune with language of the universe. No one claims to explain how it works, but it merely teaches us how to use it as tool in our daily as we pursue our dreams. It is as though Paulo’s words in ‘The Alchemist” and the words in the ‘The Secret’ compliment each other. The Alchemist can give one the power to dream; it will give you faith in the language of the world and encourage you to use it, while The Secret teaches to become aware of how to actually use the universe in your favor. Together the effect on an individual is incredibly amplified.

30/11/07

Silently I ly

2007-11-22T06:08:00.000+02:00

As my uplifting state of oblivion slowly subsided.. I became more and more conscious of the gnawing sadness consuming my soul.
Weary and dazed, with eyes filled with wonder and distraught.. I stare into the endless space in my ceiling..

"As love crowns you, so shall he crucify you." -Kahlil Gibran

Silent Storm of Light

2007-11-06T17:40:00.000+02:00

After an extremely long tiresome day, I found myself dosing off on my flight home. I awoke to an announcement explaining that our landing will be delayed, due to a raging tempest surrounding the city. On the earth, a torrent of rain flooded the streets, while hail stones violently bruised everything in its path. In combination, the vicious wind, random flashes of light and roaring of thunder expressed the brutality of this storm. But I, being in the air, above the clouds, found myself in the middle of something completely different.

Slightly sleepy, I stared out the window. The black of night painted the sky, but after every odd second there was a flash of blinding light. White, bright light, that seemed to possess only the purest energy. With every spark, the sky was lit, and for a minute moment I was able to see what surrounds me. Slowly I began to form an image of my outside environment. Below me lay a dusty, grayish-white, fluffy blanket; while above me seemed to seize depths of endless darkness. Each time the sky was ignited I viewed different sculptures of the clouds beside me, and each time I found myself being more and more fascinated by the next piece. From the stern head of a Pharaoh to a free flying superman, an artist created it all.

The dull rattling and blunt sound as each gust of wind struck the plane, was heaven’s choice as background music. I soon became aware of the sounds around me, and began to wait for real anger- the roaring of livid thunder. But no, it never came, for I waited and waited, listening intently. I noticed there was no real noise, there was no violence, in this storm there were quick, prevailing, strips of light that brightened the sky, and no, there was no aggression, only order- as each spark had its own turn to express his point of view in their argument. With all these thoughts going through my mind, I found myself being mesmerized by the silence of this storm. How amazing is it, that above the clouds, the heavens fought silently with light. Captivated by my thoughts and the beauty of it all, I forgot to fear for my life. And then, it started.

Slowly gnawing inside of me, the fear began to subtly drug my body and mind. Lightning, with all its beauty, possesses extreme power and thus has the potential to be exceptionally destructive. In a split second, we could lay victim to the end of this great force; easily losing control- we will surely plunge to a crushing death. The more I thought about it, the more fear the controlled me. I prayed, “Dear God, please don’t let me die, I’m not ready to, what will happen to my parents? My brothers? They will live in misery for the rest of their lives. What of my dreams? I have so much I want to do in this world, so much to change, so much to help, and so much to achieve.” Staring out the window, once awestruck by beauty, I only saw death, darkness and destruction. Fear controlled me like I was merely a robot in its game, converting every thought to prayer, I fought to be my own master again. Staring in silence at the outside world, no one knew of the extraordinary internal battled within me. In the climax of my war against fear, there was yet another flash of blinding light. But this time it was different. The war ended. I won. I was free from my own prison- and all I felt, was serenity. No fear, no worry, just a calming silence within me- for once again I was captivated by the magnificence of a unique illustration.

A cloud mountain. Built with dark and light shades of gray, and tipped with white, a perfect snow capped mountain floated in the heavens. In that moment I had tortured and diminished my fear, for I thought, how incredible I am- chosen to be a witness of both a heavenly quarrel, and gallery. Yes, something could go wrong, and I will spiral to the ground, but I won't. I won't choose fear in this moment, I won't choose death either. I will choose life, I will choose beauty and above all, I will choose love. As we began to descend, the turbulence grew stronger as the clouds rejected us ripping through them. I maintained my frame of mind; I was not afraid even if I were to die, at least my last moment was unbelievable and full of love. Besides, I’ve still got to change the world. It still awaits me. And I know it’s not my time to leave this world just yet. I just know it.

When we did finally land, there was silence, promptly followed by a boisterous applause and praise to God. I only realized then, that most people did not see the beauty I saw. As much I had battled fear and was victorious, many people didn’t. I could see most of them silent, still suffering from shock that they indeed, made it to the ground safely.

What was beautifully experienced on this flight was- if you’re too afraid of not living, you will miss out on seeing the absolute beauty in life, even if it is right outside your window.

-Yajna Ramdass
6 November 2007